Cause for Celebration

If I asked everybody what they celebrate, many of the first responses might include birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, and weddings. Those are all wonderful things to celebrate, and I hope you enjoy them. For some who have read the books, or attended the conferences, you may respond with additional thoughts on living a life that celebrates many things, ranging from the smallest to grandiose.

For some, you are missing someone special, and your celebrations of that person might not be the same as they once were. But you continue. A celebration is a time to honor someone, whether living or gone.

I had a time of celebration this week that I never asked for, it was not on my bucket list. It was time for my 2-year Oncologist follow-up visit. While I love and appreciate my doctor, and look forward to seeing him, part of me wishes I'd never met him. Then again, I'm also thrilled I did because he is a delightful man and a literal life-saver...mine.

After the visit, I found myself driving by a local chocolate shop when I impulsively decided to take two right turns, landing me in their parking lot, squarely in front of the double doors where I knew the giant chocolate fountain was waiting just inside.

I wanted something yummy to ring out the joy of a clean bill of health. I enthusiastically shared with the lady behind the counter why I was treating myself, and why it was so important for me to splurge and find the right tastes to savor. Another customer was shopping for Easter candy and was as indecisive as I was. While we pondered and inquired about the flavors, we both were given samples of the bunny chocolates, as some of the ears had broken off. Yum!

With the bunny ear samples and a raspberry cream sample in my tummy, I carried my precious white paper bag containing three tiny chocolates to the car, crinkling the top back and forth, releasing the rich aroma of cocoa. The bag was placed with care in the seat, wedged between my library book and purse so there was no risk of falling and spilling out in case of an unexpected quick stop in traffic.

Of course, I couldn't simply eat it out of the bag, it needed a presentation worthy of celebration. I thanked God for the good report, the friends He placed in my life who had carried my apprehension before the visit, and the friends I shared my joy with afterward. 

Then I'd sneak one little piece and go outside to enjoy the view while nibbling this yummy chocolate square, watching it melt in my fingertips.

The guilt tried to creep in for spending the money, but I brushed it away like an annoying mosquito and licked the milky cocoa from my index finger and thumb while trying to decide which flavor I would enjoy next. I had already consumed the toffee and had a peanut butter fudge and an almond cluster waiting for later celebrations.

I was visiting a place with a great view, and peaceful water was flowing from east to west. The birds were sounding their calls to one another as they drifted by, content with their progress from one end of the lake to the other, and back again. This serene setting allowed my mind to rest from the chaos of my to-do list, and let the deeper thoughts reveal themselves.

This is when it hit me. Do we appreciate the celebrations in our lives? Some of us find little things and celebrate often while others struggle to celebrate one or two annual events. Some don't believe they are worth celebrating and wrestle with their own birthdays. I want to savor the celebrations more and remember them longer. I don't want to celebrate and forget. I want them to mean more than they often do.

Most people don't care that I had a cancer-free announcement from the doctor. Don't get me wrong, I'd like to think people who know me are glad I'm not sick or dead. But, my health isn't a vital part of their life. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's not something we tend to think of. We're aware when a friend is ill but we don't necessarily pay attention to when things are good.

This annual celebration is bittersweet, so I often hide it. Too many people struggle with cancer, treatments, or the loss of someone they love to this horrible disease. Surviving can bring guilt, which can dampen the celebration. That's another story entirely; one I didn't know would continue, and will likely be there for my lifetime. More on that in a future post.

But, we're celebrating here! Let there be streamers, chocolate, steaks, loud music, cake, dancing, pie, etc. You choose whether you celebrate with friends and family, or if it's reserved just for you. Whatever makes you smile, use it to celebrate with. Even those little things. If they matter to you, they are worth celebrating. If they matter to you, they should matter to the people who genuinely love you. Let them celebrate with you. Let them celebrate YOU.

One More Thing...

Go find something to celebrate this week! I'd love for you to come back and tell us what you discovered.

Take care, and remember, I'm always here to pray for you if you have a need or request.
Lois Lynn

NOTE: If you are the first person to comment, you must click on "No Comments"

BRAVE has been a buzzword for several years. I’ve listened to speakers and read books about becoming braver but it’s not working. At least, I don’t think it is. I’ve been taking other steps to improve myself as I ride this moving sidewalk we call life, but I’m not sure I’m building any bravery habits.

At least a year ago, I borrowed a book from the library about being brave. It had a catchy title and was written by someone I enjoyed when I heard them speak, so I thought this might be a different approach worth trying.

100 Days to Brave by Annie F. Downs is written in small doses so I hoped I could do this. I texted a friend who is diligent about striving to be the best person he can be so someone out there would know I was trying this. I made it to day eight.

At my library, we can renew a book fifty times before it must be turned in and checked out again. I chose to do that this week, and my new goal is to read all 100 days…even if it takes me another 365 to do it.

The Bible has numerous references telling us to not be afraid. I think conquering fear plays a big role in being brave. But maybe bravery is being afraid and doing it anyway. Yep…I’m pretty sure I’ve heard that quote a few dozen times before and you probably have, too.

Photo by Michael Dziedzic on Unsplash

Living a brave life can come in so many forms and hits us each differently. For many of us, it’s an act of bravery to believe who God says we are. This is one area I’ve been working on. This can be especially true if you don’t hear that belief coming from people around you. I’m sorry if you don’t. I know God believes in you, and most people are so busy they don’t take time to look for others to believe in. Most of us struggle with being brave or feeling worthy. Don’t take it personally if nobody is telling you, “You’ve got this.” God knows you do. Deep down, I think you might believe it also.

I know we each have a purpose we are uniquely called out to live, and it requires us to sometimes be braver than we want to be in order to fulfill that. I’m not saying every moment of our lives is a calling, but yet – I kind of am. Some callings and purposes are for a short season while others may be a part of your entire life.

When I took the church job I had, it was certainly a calling for me. Years later, I sensed that being lifted but I could see the root of my calling was to support others and I found new ways to do that.

Sometimes people will interrupt your calling, leaving you to question if you have a purpose. This is a scary place to be. I know this one from personal experience and I had to use every ounce of my faith to believe that man does not determine my calling and purpose; God does.

It’s easy to confuse your activities with your calling. You may have opened a school where you teach adults from other countries to speak English. You think that’s your calling. Then the school closes due to unforeseen circumstances, and you wake up in bed each day, depressed, believing your purpose has been stripped away. You'd be wrong.

I want to challenge you to look beyond the actions, to God’s heart for you. Was it really your calling to open that school, or was it to help people who feel like outsiders believe they belong and are valued equally? Hmmm…

God will never limit your purpose, He has some big ideas for you. We limit ourselves sometimes, don’t we? Others put limiting beliefs on us if we let them. Break free from the lies we hear, externally and internally, and let’s learn how to be brave together.

One More Thing...

What is your purpose, or calling? Do you need someone to believe in you?

Take care, and I'm always here to pray for you if you have a need or request.
Lois Lynn

NOTE: If you are the first person to comment, you must click on "No Comments"

Surprised by God

Has an answered prayer ever surprised you?

I was having one of those "if one more thing happens" weeks recently. You know what I mean. You think you'll snap in half if one more thing goes wrong. So much has happened lately that I can laugh or cry at the drop of a hat in order to cope with whatever expense the newest event will bring. I feel sorry for my friends that get texts from me when "crisis" hits. Typically, I overreact and crash and burn for a minute before moving on. It's during the crash time I reach out to not feel so alone. 

I was scheduled to spend a week house-sitting for some friends beginning on a Monday. I was excited to get there but knew I had an appointment that took me 20 minutes in the opposite direction before I could head out there and settle in. I've tried to limit my driving due to the extra costs but this was one of those days when I didn't mind and gave myself permission to keep the appointment...it was for a massage. Before you criticize my spending habits, my chiropractor sent me for massage therapy to prevent repeat episodes of vertigo.

Sunday, this lovely message thought it would light up my life.
I denied it existed. Then I worried it was going to be another $1,000 of debt. The next thing I knew, I had mentally canceled all future plans and given up the idea of having a vehicle. That's not an easy jump for someone who would happily drive 1,000 miles a week, but I went there without a second thought.

I was done. This was my breaking point. I had kept up the appearance that all was well when it wasn't, for one day too long and I lost it. I yelled at my car. I yelled at God. I berated myself for making stupid choices along life's journey that brought me to this moment. Then I stopped and took this picture because I felt like it would end up being a blog at some point, and at least maybe I could get some "there, there" comments from a friend or two when I texted it.

I made it to the house and spent a fair amount of time the first couple of days worrying about the car. Of course, I looked it up online which is never a good idea. I was already dealing with the 4th, or maybe it was the 187th, oil leak and I didn't know what to do next. At least I didn't think I knew what to do.

"Oh wait, I know. I should pray about it."

When it came time to make a run for food a few days later, the light was still there. It didn't blink, it was glaring bright yellow at me, and I felt like it was mocking me. As it turns out, blinking is worse. The mechanic wasn't available for two weeks and I was possibly going to be helping out a couple different friends and needed to travel before then.

In a last-ditch effort, I prayed something like, "God, I know this is a small thing compared to what is going on with other people, but it's a huge thing to me right now. I can't keep going like this, I'm losing hope. I'm trying to do the right thing, and be a good steward with my funds, but life is burying me in debt like I've never known. Please God, I know I usually praise you in my prayers first, but I don't have the strength and I'm begging you...please make this stop."

My dash went dark in less than a minute. I pulled over to stare at it in disbelief, waiting for it to glow again.

Why was I shocked? I know God answers prayers. I know they aren't always with a clear yes, and rarely have I seen an answer come so immediately, but I know He can answer in any way possible. Yet, I was surprised. I hate to admit it, but I don't think I had faith as I prayed. I think I was desperate for help, and it truly was my last resort.

I tried to handle things on my own first. I suspect He was waiting for me to turn around and realize He was there, with waiting arms to handle this trial. He was probably tapping His foot slowly since it was a long wait.

The light is still off, several days later. I'm afraid something is secretly wrong with the car because I expect bad stuff to happen to me. I haven't canceled the mechanic appointment and now worry that will be a waste of money and time. Did God really fix this for me or just bring me peace to get me through until then? I'm an overthinker. It's exhausting.

One More Thing...

Have you ever been surprised that God answered your prayer?

Take care, and I'm always here to pray for you if you have a need or request.
Lois Lynn

NOTE: If you are the first person to comment, you must click on "No Comments"

Present vs. Past: Does Tense Matter? (#3, and the final post in my Cancer Series)

Sally Brown, Charlie Brown’s little sister, is famous for screeching, “I’ve been robbed!” She says this to Linus in the film, “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown,” when she misses out on the Halloween goodies by waiting with him in the pumpkin patch. 

I feel a bit like her, only I didn’t miss out on the good stuff. This may sound strange to you because it does to me. I never got to say, “I have cancer.” Leading up to surgery, I struggled hard with knowing what to tell people. “I’m having surgery” didn’t seem to be weighty enough and was dismissed by those who knew the full story, as not being authentic. In my mind, it was only pre-cancerous, and I was honestly expecting it to be fine, so I didn’t want to use the “C” word. I felt that dishonored people who were going through the full process of chemo and/or radiation treatments. 

I was afraid I would come across like the little boy who cried wolf. I didn’t want to be viewed as dramatic, or untruthful, if the precancerous label turned out to be negative. I tried to downplay it for two reasons. One, so this fear wouldn’t turn into a feeling of hypocrisy when all turned out well. The second reason was a sense of duty to be strong for my friends.

When a woman uses phrases related to cancer, the automatic assumption is breast cancer. I didn’t want to tell people the specifics, but I decided talking about my uterus was easier than leaving people to their assumptions and watch their eyes dart downward. At least there wouldn’t be any staring this way.

These were all uncomfortable words for me. It took several weeks, but I finally settled on, “I’m having abdominal surgery for a precancerous stage of endometrial cancer.” This was completely true, while also still playing it down. I think I got to the point where I included full hysterectomy in my word choice. 

Back to Sally. The irony was not lost on me that I played her in a primary school play, even to the point of insisting my Sunday School teacher call me Sally. By the time I received the diagnosis, the tumor was out of my body. “I have cancer” never escaped my lips. Instead, I was left with, “I had cancer.” I didn’t know what to do with that. People seemed to focus on “had” while I focused on “cancer.” I will be a patient with an oncologist for three years worth of check-ups.

There was no grieving process. Two months later, I have yet to go through the stages of grief a cancer diagnosis brings. I couldn’t come to terms with the fact that something was inside my body that could kill me. I now describe it as having something evil and deadly inside me, but I haven’t found the emotions yet to respond to the words. 

Guilt was another problem. I am now left with the past-tense version. I HAD cancer. Allow me to be a drama queen for a moment here. While I had been dismissive, a few people reminded me I could have died if this was left undiagnosed. There were several cards and gifts that came when I was facing surgery. I had a couple of people visit me afterwards. 

The problem was, there wasn’t a diagnosis yet, so people celebrated that I had survived surgery, they got everything, and even if it was cancer…it wasn’t likely to have spread. That’s it…celebration period over before I found out I had cancer. There was a small support circle for the first phase, but when it came to the most difficult part, I was alone with a cancer diagnosis. I didn’t have cancer now. 

This left me with nobody to call on, nobody to talk through it with, and nobody to come sit with me, put their arms around me, and cry with me. I’m not faulting anyone; I would have had the same response. We celebrated the good…and it was good. That’s why I felt guilty for not being able to rest in the joy and simply move on. I was angry as I tried to accept the news and process it and I was sad to be on my own. Yet I didn’t feel like I had the right to be upset. 

It did play into a wonderful life lesson or two! 

Life Lessons I Learned:

• Sometimes I have no choice but to admit I need help.

• Random acts of kindness can mean as much or more than when it comes from friends.

• Strawberry sundaes can make me cry.

• I NEED friends, and it may surprise me who they are.

• The faith I doubted I had, showed up in spades, removing all apprehension that it wasn’t  real. I now know my faith is genuine, and my trust in God comes naturally. I didn’t know that before.

• I will never be the same person I was.

• I don’t want to be.

• I believe I’m to use my voice to help people who don’t know what to do when someone gets a diagnosis.

• The time people need meals and lots of love, is right after they get the first news. I was in shock, and we didn’t eat very well for a few days. Most people provide meals after surgery, but help is also needed early in the process. It’s a weak spot in the serving and loving mindset. You don’t know this unless you lived it. I can help change that or do that for others.

• Don’t ask people if they want something. I wanted a lot but wouldn’t ask. Instead, try saying, “I’d like to stop by today or tomorrow, is that ok?” It’s easier to say yes to an offer than to ask for someone to do something.

• I am the only one who knows what I need. I’m the only one who can take care of me the way I need. I know we’re told we should be in community, and I won’t argue that. But, some of us are islands, and it’s okay to be that for a while.

• Music can be a form of companionship and a source of hope.

• Do for myself what I would do for others.

• It’s ok to feel things.

• I MUST take time to allow every thought, fear, and feeling to come. It won’t work to stuff this in a box and store it away.

• I have a purpose and I’m not dead, so it’s time to start living.

One More Thing...
If you know anybody facing something tough, and you feel like you don't know what to do, trust your gut and do what you are thinking of. Ask yourself what you think you would need. Find someone who has gone through it and ask what they wish someone had done or said to them.

If you are the one going through something, hold on tight to any resource you can think of. Your faith, music, friends, family, pets, books, distractions, art - whatever you have to work with, embrace it. Ultimately, you are the only one who knows what you're thinking. Reach out to someone who has been through something similar. It is impossible for people to relate if they haven't been there and we can't expect them to. I didn't before, but I vow to live the rest of my life changed due to this awareness.

Take care, and I'm always here to pray for you if you have a need or request.
Lois Lynn

NOTE: If you are the first person to comment, you must click on "No Comments"

It Takes Rain to Create Rainbows (#2 in the Cancer Series)

The day after my oncologist appointment, I was scheduled to house-sit for some friends for 12 days. It was helpful to them because I could care for their pet, bring in the mail, and keep the place looking occupied. It was thrilling to me because I’ve dreamed of a place to go where I can focus on writing the last few chapters of my book. I think we were all excited for me to have this opportunity. The bags were packed and ready. I was feeling numb and overwhelmed but thought this would be a great way to distract myself. 

I am convinced this was God’s gift to me. The homeowner’s trip had changed three times. Any of the previous dates would have provided a wonderful time for my writing plans. This proved to be a time of healing, growing, and discovering. I had a lot to absorb from the past few days. Now I had a serene space with a great view, and my agenda was wide open. Upon arrival, I was greeted with a rainbow splashed across the sky. I knew God was holding me close and would get me through whatever was coming. 

My 12 days of isolation to write and enjoy the serenity of lake life went nothing as planned, but completely as needed. Several people who knew showed up via text, video chats, phone calls, lunches, dinners, and visits. I think I only had one day alone. I tried to write during the daytime, from my table and chair overlooking the lake. It didn’t take long to realize I could write any place, at any time. I wouldn’t often be able to sit on a deck and enjoy a water view, so I put down the laptop and watched the geese swim by instead. I intended to write at night and into the early morning hours as a compromise. 

I expected it to be dark across the water, removing my source of distraction. I was wrong. The house lights across the lake shimmered on the rippling water and proved to be just as enjoyable as the daytime view. However, the depth of calm was like a warm, weighted blanket draped over me, and I found I was able to sit in complete bliss and stare out at the night until the wee hours of the morning. As I sat there, I often recalled Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God.” I could sense God’s presence and comfort while I rested and slowly let go of the control I thought I had. Gorgeous sunsets danced before me almost every evening and Christian music played in the background most of the time to easily keep their pet relaxed. It was slowly restoring my soul. This was God’s place, and I was welcomed in to be loved by Him. 

The next few weeks went by in a blur of activity. I had several virtual appointments, some pre-op visits, and a blood draw. I had 18 new questions for my doctor. Surgery was scheduled for April 15^th, Good Friday. 

I find music to be powerful, so I created a Spotify playlist to provide encouragement, fun, and sometimes just a distraction. We planned time off for my husband, I made a list of things to do, we stocked up on groceries and medications, and we cooked meals to put in the freezer. My goal was to be self-sufficient and not need anybody’s help. God had another idea.

On a Monday in March, I sent a barrage of memes to a friend. It was cathartic for me, and a lazy way to share my innermost thoughts. There was definitely a theme, including things like how much I wanted to talk about it, but kept quiet instead, how I pretended to be okay to avoid having to explain, and how I knew if I tried to talk, I would cry. The responses I got back were all reminders about resiliency. I replied with a banana dying in bed making the bedside visitors promise to donate its body to banana bread. I was in a wallowing place of fear but I wasn’t going to be allowed to stay there. 

The next day God changed my approach to things. I was having a rather emotional day and treated myself to the comfort food at Chick-Fil-A. I was texting with the same friend and got my words twisted around so they conveyed incorrect thoughts. As I tried to clarify them, I responded with, “This is why I don’t call myself a writer. Not always great with words.” Then a beep on my phone with the new message, “You are a writer. Start today identifying as one.” Tears are now streaming down my face with no hope of controlling them or disguising them. They were a result of kind words from a friend, not about the health scare, and it felt good. 

About two minutes later, Sylvanna, an employee stopped by my table with a free strawberry sundae. I burst into tears. She saw the tears and asked if I was okay. Instead of my usual insistence that all is well even when it isn’t, I told her I had been diagnosed with a precancerous stage of endometrial cancer and was having surgery next month, but the tears were because of some kind words someone just sent me while I was down…and the ice cream. She asked if she could pray for me and hug me. More tears came, of course! It took the kindness of a stranger coupled with the encouragement from a friend to get me to start accepting care and support. 

One week later, I was skipping my church leadership class and driving home from visiting a friend in Seattle. It was only the second time I’d shared some of my deeper fears and the first time I’d listened to my playlist. It proved to be the perfect therapy for six hours on the interstate. At the last minute, I decided to drop by the church building and share what was going on. I caught them just before they were heading out the door and was able to share with one of my pastors and his wife, two other staff pastors, peers, and my class mentor. It was humbling to ask for prayer, but I felt like I was growing in my spiritual development by doing so. I was a little less alone now. 

I started answering people's inquiries with, “oh, surgery isn’t until mid-April,” hoping people would forget. God uses the most interesting connections to reach us sometimes. Social media has me connected with people from all seasons of my life. Two of them, unknowingly spoke into me surrendering my unspoken craving for support into God’s capable hands. I struggle here because I want to describe who they are by the role they played in my life, but I don’t want to identify them without their permission. I had two people who were adults when I was in junior high both share major prayer requests with me. Both were completely out of the blue and that convinces me it was God’s timing and plan, and a reminder to invite people to pray. I was encouraged by a family member along the same lines, to have everybody praying for me that would be willing to. 

Prayer is something I love to do for others but seldom ask for on behalf of myself. I know God’s heard me, and question if He needs to hear from more people on the same topic. I’m not going to get into doctrine here, but I was convicted to invite people in at this point. That’s when the floodgates opened. Cards started to arrive, and a couple of gifts were dropped off. I received several messages letting me know people were praying for me. A church I do not attend, but I am connected to through a small group, did one of the most amazing grand gestures of help I’ve ever received. These sweet gentlemen installed handrails so I could get in and out of the house safely. I felt loved and allowed myself to feel it. 

Surgery day arrived. So many lessons were learned and questions about my faith were answered along the way. I had no fear as I went into surgery. In fact, I was having fun trying to make people smile and feel appreciated and seen. Complete peace surrounded me, and it was precious. After waiting for seven weeks, I was ready for this step and to move on to the unknown next phase.

Recovery was a breeze, and I experienced no pain. I knew it would be two weeks before the full pathology report and a follow-up visit with my doctor, so I sat back to wait. 

That night the preliminary report came in confirming a positive result for endometrial cancer. I still had to wait to discuss it with my doctor. Because I wanted to be sure I understood the report, it would be a while before I could share the update. For two weeks, I was a cancer patient, without cancer, and nobody knew. I didn’t know how to process this and was alone with this information and a lot of questions. 

Next time I’ll share the conclusion and what’s happened since then as well as some wonderful insights I had along the way. So many of you have asked, I hope sharing this piece of my life has encouraged you and/or has answered your questions.

One More Thing...
I will be sharing a song each day on my Facebook page that is part of this story as well. You can find me at facebook.com/LoisFloresWrites

Take care, and I'm always here to pray for you if you have a need or request.
Lois Lynn

NOTE: If you are the first person to comment, you must click on "No Comments"