Little Boxes

I have had a few significant life events occur in recent months and I found myself mentally paralyzed, not able to focus on what the next step should be. There were trips to plan in order to handle estate items, there were health issues, it was the holiday season, there were business decisions to be made; I could go on for a page listing the chaos and significant decisions to work through. The bottom line was this; while I can usually compartmentalize things and not succumb to the emotions of feeling overwhelmed, I had reached my limit. I was no longer able to think clearly and make simple decisions.

I am fortunate to have some great people around to draw wisdom from. At this time, I finally reached out to someone I knew was a great resource but I had not ever connected with before. I was searching for a song lyric or a Bible verse to help me reset. I knew I knew what to do but I simply could not find it within me. Here are my text message and his reply.

Me: (Note here I am not a person who is in the habit of worrying about things so this was quite an unusual place for me to be.)

"What do you do when you feel like you've run out of faith and are too mentally fatigued to trust? How do you let go of worry, and trust again? Specific scripture encourage you? Song? Hiding place? 🙂"

Reply:

"In these cases you have coffee with me." 

Well, that was NOT the response I was hoping for but it was certainly the response God knew I needed. We met the next day and my life has been in a beautiful, yet interesting, state of turmoil since. The conversation was enlightening and I was challenged.

One particular piece of the conversation centered around the concept of having a closet of boxes. The boxes represent things that I have gone through and have not taken the time to grieve over. Initially, I denied that. After all, I can withstand a lot and I've lived for quite some time taking things in stride, not letting them slow me down while moving on to the next thing I need to handle. 

When he looked me in the eye and told me that any one of the dozen or so things I had just rattled off in a nonchalant manner off the top of my head would be enough to cause pause and the need to grieve, I reconsidered. Then I accepted he was right. In some of the instances, I had been busy helping others through the process and did not take the time for my own healing. For others, I simply kept busy in order to avoid them.

I was intrigued. I had been challenged to start grieving. I believed this was wise counsel and an accurate description of my current state. At this point, I shared the idea with my core friends and each one of them was also in a place where they had not dealt with boxes from many life events and related to this concept as well. It was kind of nice to know I was helping others by sharing his words. Mind you, I wasn't actually doing anything yet, but I was busy assisting others. You know, the thing I do to avoid my own boxes!

Now to take this one step further, I did what I do best. I postponed. I decided it would be really cool to incorporate art into this process and create something representative of my closet full of boxes. This provided a solid two-month delay. Yes...I said TWO MONTHS! First I had the idea, then painted one version, then painted over that one, then changed colors, then...well, you get the idea. While I consider myself creative, I am not a skilled artist with a paintbrush or pen. My creative gift is in other areas so know that what I share is an expression from the heart with the hope that the visual image may be helpful to you. I know it looks like a grade-school project.


The art project is now complete, I have no more excuses and I'm in the midst of allowing the boxes to remain open when they drop off the shelf and open up. I have even willingly chosen to open a box or two but I peer in, make sure everything is as I left it, and then slam it shut and return it to the shelf. I may even have moved some of them further back in the closet. I am prayerful about the day I may open each one and truly grieve it and toss it out to the garbage burn pile. For now, I am willing to name them. I am slowly allowing some time to sit with a box and manage it.

One More Thing...

Please, please tell me I'm not the only one with little boxes in storage. I want to challenge you to take a moment and sit in the quiet and consider this. Is there something you have tucked away deep within you that needs to be cleared out? Maybe it's also things that you need to grieve - loss of people, opportunities, or situations. Maybe it's guilt or shame. Maybe it's negative attitudes or thoughts that hold you down. Please join me and let's clean out the closets together. 

Remember that God's in control and we only need to lean on Him for one day at a time.

Take care, and I'm always here to pray for you if you have a need or request.
Lois Lynn