Joy Dare: October 10, 2021 - 3 HARD EUCHARISTEO

This seems to be as simple as being thankful until you add the word "hard" to the title. My understanding of this is we are to focus on being thankful in the midst of the hard things. Yikes!

I don't want to do this one. I'm old enough that life has had some difficult times and honestly, I don't want to walk down this memory lane in order to find three to be grateful for today. However, I made a commitment to the person who pointed me to this, and I made a commitment to my readers. You always get transparency from me, with the hope it will encourage or inspire you.

Grief and loss jump to my mind as some of the hard times but they sure didn't tempt me with the thankful part. But it wouldn't leave my mind so I sat with it until I found the gratitude. I've heard it said that to grieve deeply, you loved deeply. I am grateful to have had some amazing people in my life. I still have waves of grief years after losing them. I watched my grandfather take his last breath when I was 23. The same disease later took Denny, one of the people who influenced my faith the most. My dear Maxine was a woman filled with joy and love, completely reflecting Christ in her life. If God had favorites, I know Jeff would have been on that list and I still grieve him as well. These deaths, and several others, were very difficult times. Some were sudden, while others were drawn out due to illnesses. I witnessed one and missed out on saying goodbye to many others. While I don't like the pain of not being able to talk with them when I need them most, I will forever be grateful to have known them.

If you've been married for longer than a week, you might be able to agree with me that marriage is hard. Not all the time, but it has seasons when it's more difficult. My marriage has been a difficult one. We no longer pretend it's been fine and I don't think anybody that was ever around us would have believed that anyway. It hasn't been horrible either, just our version of normal. When I talk to other couples, they tell me they've had hard times also so I know we're not alone. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm thankful my marriage has been so hard lately. I know...you're wondering why you're reading the posts of a madwoman. Hear me out as I connect the dots for you. If my marriage was the best it could be, I wouldn't be writing these posts focusing on gratitude. I turned to a counselor to help me find my way in a marriage I couldn't fix. This is where my deep appreciation comes into play. I just had my 12th session. It was a difficult conversation but if I want to grow and become a better person, I have to go through the tough things to get there. (Remember the orange example from day one?) As it turns out, my spouse is not the one solely at fault. Who knew? I don't think there's anybody that wouldn't benefit from seeing a counselor on a regular basis. Life is hard and I think we all need some help from time to time. Part of my counselor's coaching was to look for these moments in life and learn to appreciate them. So, hats off to you - I'm doing this because of your guidance, and I am grateful for this really hard thing called counseling, which I found due to another hard thing, marriage. (NOTE: Yes, I had my hubby's approval to post this. I didn't ask the counselor!)

Faith is hard. Am I thankful for faith? Sure, but it isn't that simple. I grew up surrounded by people with faith and I followed in their footsteps. As a young adult, I lost faith and it took years to rediscover it. Some days I think I have faith in God but there are still many when I doubt it's genuine. For many, faith and trust come naturally but I struggle to maintain either consistently and I don't know why. This is what makes it hard for me. How on earth can I be grateful for this, you ask? I'm not sure. But it's what came to mind so I chose to roll with it. I'm currently writing my first book, which is my spiritual memoir and I think this is where the gratitude comes from. I've been told by many people that they can relate to pieces of my story. I believe sharing my journey will be a way to encourage readers who have difficulties themselves or have people they love who have walked away from God. I am grateful my story can touch the lives of others, even though it's been hard for many decades.

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