Joy Dare: October 11, 2021 - 3 GIFTS OF CHANGE

We are fortunate to experience four distinct seasons where I live. I delight in each one for a different reason and I'm almost always ready for each transition. With the seasons, there is another change I am grateful for. Two of those seasons bring a change in bedding. I have a dark red and white quilt that is heavy. It's not an antique, but its weight reminds me of the old quilts from generations ago. You know, the kind that weighs so much you can hardly move once you're buried under it. While I may not enjoy the cold temperature making it necessary I do love the symbolism that the fall/winter season is here. Each year I think the same thing when spreading it out for the first time. This is my favorite quilt. 

In the late spring, it is finally time for a lightweight covering and I'm always thrilled to change out the thick and heavy one. You see, my spring/summer one is a playful pattern in shades that remind me of life in a beach house. I once again think the same things. This is my favorite quilt. I love the fact that I need to change the warmth level of my quilt twice a year.

A change of direction can be one of my favorite changes. I love a good road trip. One thing I enjoy even more is an unplanned excursion. I may have a basic idea but when I find that rural backroad with an interesting intersection or a vague sign pointing to something a few miles away, I'm going to change directions and see where it takes me. Some of my favorite memories stem from a change of direction. Many of my best photos have been captured on this kind of adventure.

Almost 30 years ago I made a change I have been thankful for every day since. I moved to a new city. The city has changed dramatically in the last ten years and I hope to leave it within the next ten years. But I am grateful to have the people in my life that wouldn't be a part of it had I not made that change.

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Joy Dare: October 10, 2021 - 3 HARD EUCHARISTEO

This seems to be as simple as being thankful until you add the word "hard" to the title. My understanding of this is we are to focus on being thankful in the midst of the hard things. Yikes!

I don't want to do this one. I'm old enough that life has had some difficult times and honestly, I don't want to walk down this memory lane in order to find three to be grateful for today. However, I made a commitment to the person who pointed me to this, and I made a commitment to my readers. You always get transparency from me, with the hope it will encourage or inspire you.

Grief and loss jump to my mind as some of the hard times but they sure didn't tempt me with the thankful part. But it wouldn't leave my mind so I sat with it until I found the gratitude. I've heard it said that to grieve deeply, you loved deeply. I am grateful to have had some amazing people in my life. I still have waves of grief years after losing them. I watched my grandfather take his last breath when I was 23. The same disease later took Denny, one of the people who influenced my faith the most. My dear Maxine was a woman filled with joy and love, completely reflecting Christ in her life. If God had favorites, I know Jeff would have been on that list and I still grieve him as well. These deaths, and several others, were very difficult times. Some were sudden, while others were drawn out due to illnesses. I witnessed one and missed out on saying goodbye to many others. While I don't like the pain of not being able to talk with them when I need them most, I will forever be grateful to have known them.

If you've been married for longer than a week, you might be able to agree with me that marriage is hard. Not all the time, but it has seasons when it's more difficult. My marriage has been a difficult one. We no longer pretend it's been fine and I don't think anybody that was ever around us would have believed that anyway. It hasn't been horrible either, just our version of normal. When I talk to other couples, they tell me they've had hard times also so I know we're not alone. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm thankful my marriage has been so hard lately. I know...you're wondering why you're reading the posts of a madwoman. Hear me out as I connect the dots for you. If my marriage was the best it could be, I wouldn't be writing these posts focusing on gratitude. I turned to a counselor to help me find my way in a marriage I couldn't fix. This is where my deep appreciation comes into play. I just had my 12th session. It was a difficult conversation but if I want to grow and become a better person, I have to go through the tough things to get there. (Remember the orange example from day one?) As it turns out, my spouse is not the one solely at fault. Who knew? I don't think there's anybody that wouldn't benefit from seeing a counselor on a regular basis. Life is hard and I think we all need some help from time to time. Part of my counselor's coaching was to look for these moments in life and learn to appreciate them. So, hats off to you - I'm doing this because of your guidance, and I am grateful for this really hard thing called counseling, which I found due to another hard thing, marriage. (NOTE: Yes, I had my hubby's approval to post this. I didn't ask the counselor!)

Faith is hard. Am I thankful for faith? Sure, but it isn't that simple. I grew up surrounded by people with faith and I followed in their footsteps. As a young adult, I lost faith and it took years to rediscover it. Some days I think I have faith in God but there are still many when I doubt it's genuine. For many, faith and trust come naturally but I struggle to maintain either consistently and I don't know why. This is what makes it hard for me. How on earth can I be grateful for this, you ask? I'm not sure. But it's what came to mind so I chose to roll with it. I'm currently writing my first book, which is my spiritual memoir and I think this is where the gratitude comes from. I've been told by many people that they can relate to pieces of my story. I believe sharing my journey will be a way to encourage readers who have difficulties themselves or have people they love who have walked away from God. I am grateful my story can touch the lives of others, even though it's been hard for many decades.

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Joy Dare: October 9, 2021 - 3 GIFTS PRAISED FOR

Honestly, I'm struggling with this one. Anybody else?

The first thing to come to my mind is when an answer to prayer is what we were hoping for. Latest example. My cousin Evalyn (she's actually a "step-Aunt" if that's a thing - I just always thought of her as a cousin) was recently dealing with a severe bout of the virus. She lost her husband to it and we nearly lost her. Obviously, we were all praying for recovery and complete physical restoration. There are a number of people who love Evalyn and consider her survival a gift, even a miracle, and it is one gift God is being praised for.

It feels awkward to talk about my own gifts. Society tells me I'm supposed to be so humble I deny having any. It's always felt confusing because, at the same time, God tells us we are each gifted. With that in mind, and because I can't think of anything else yet, I'm choosing to appreciate that I do have gifts (talents) and people have praised me for them. I don't always agree with people, but I'm trying to accept that some of my gifts might be "good enough"  that a few people sing my praises about them.

This keeps popping into my head so I'm going with it. When a first responder does something even more extraordinary than usual, it's not uncommon for there to be a medal awarded to them. Praises are heaped upon them in a ceremony. I am grateful for each and every person who chooses to serve as a first responder, in any capacity and so for my third gift, I am grateful for those men and women praised for going above and beyond. I actually think we can't sing their praises enough, simply for doing the job. NOTE: This applies to our military as well.

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Joy Dare: October 8, 2021 - 3 GIFTS PRAYED FOR

Window as you enter the pizza place. I sat outside today, trying to enjoy
the last remnants of late summer.

If you've been around people who pray, you have probably heard the joke about not praying for patience because you often find yourself in multiple situations in which you'll need it. I'm also reminded of the phrase "be careful what you pray for." As I write this I'm sitting at my favorite pizzeria one town away, with tears streaming down my face. It's been a hard week with some unanticipated tough moments. I'm feeling emotional and overwhelmed, but not the least bit concerned about who may see me crying. This isn't like me. But I am thankful for the gift of feeling that I have prayed for the past several years. I was becoming concerned that I couldn't feel things and didn't have an emotional side anymore. I began praying for that on a few random occasions and today I understand this is a gift received. I'm not convinced I like it, but I did pray for it so we'll see how this works out.

When I first started going to church again, I started volunteering with Pastor Kurt and his assistant, Helen. I began praying for a job opportunity to open up that would allow me to work at the church, as part of his ministry team. Less than two years later I joined the staff and was honored to work alongside him for ten years.

One of the most beautiful things I've heard is when a man or woman says they've been praying for their future spouse for years, before even meeting. This goes much further than saving themselves for marriage, but they are praying for their well-being, their faith, their future, their hopes and dreams. God knows who that person will be, but the ones doing the praying don't. I am so grateful there are people wise enough in the younger generations to do this, to live so unselfishly, and so trusting in God. This is beautiful and can only serve to build a solid foundation for that marriage.

Joy Dare Trial Run: October 6-7, 2021

This concludes my first week so I guess I'll drop the "Trial Run" part in the next blog title. I'm already seeing the benefit of doing this so I'm all in for 90 days. One interesting thing I've discovered is that you can be grateful for something that isn't necessarily a happy memory. I didn't expect that.

October 6, 2021 - 3 GIFTS REDEEMED

Redeemed is a word I've heard all my life, but I suddenly found myself questioning the meaning and had to Google search it for verification. By the way, Merriam-Webster had some powerful definitions to ponder. The more I dwelled on the word, the more I was taken to a distant memory of a song I haven't heard in years. Big Daddy Weave released "Redeemed" in 2012. As I listened to the lyrics, gratitude poured over me, even as I was convicted by some of the words. Yes, I am grateful to BE redeemed, but I am grateful for the song "Redeemed" today as it reminded me of many things I'd forgotten. I don't always live like I'm redeemed and set free. I can rattle off a lengthy list of past failures because I allow myself to be bound by them instead of living free. The line I am most appreciative of today is the reminder to, "stop fighting a fight that's already been won." Being reminded that He's not done with me yet makes me hopeful when I fail to meet the expectations I've set for myself. I'm not in control and I need to stop fighting. Thank you Big Daddy Weave for "Redeemed." This gal right here needed to hear it again. If you do, too, take a minute to listen at the link below.

Take a listen to the song here:

I am also reminded today of a gift certificate I redeemed for a relaxing hot stone massage and an amazing outside soak in the midst of a busy and chaotic work season. My boss at the time gave this to me so I could experience a time of respite and restoration. I had been pretty drained and was in the habit of taking care of everybody else instead of myself. There wasn't anybody else at the soaking pool that day and the sunshine was just bright enough to be enjoyable and soothing without risk of sunburn or overheating. That was a fun treat, and I am still grateful for that day.

Sometimes I have rotten days. We all do. While I cannot recall a specific day to write about, I know many of them have been redeemed by something good that occurs later in the day. It may have been any of the following: a fight with my spouse, nothing but bills in the mailbox, a flat tire, feeling ignored at the staff meeting, spilling a soda, or countless other things. But dinner with a friend, a playful time with my dog, a funny movie, or a good book has redeemed many a rotten day.

October 7, 2021 - A GIFT BAKED, STIRRED, EATEN

I come from a family of great bakers, and that passion continues with me. I knew this would be an easy one, but it turns out it can be just as difficult to select one from many options as it is to find one when it doesn't come easily. The one gift baked that stands out the most is my mom's cherry pie. It isn't because it was the best memory for baked, but because of what it represented. Yes, cherry pie has always been at the top of my favorite desserts in case you're looking for the way to my heart. I can remember as a very young girl, eating at our favorite local buffet where dessert was included and always wanting the cherry pie. Mom would assure me each time, "You're not going to like it" and point me to something else. Eventually, I tasted it and she was right. Apparently, there are two versions of cherry pies. The one you typically find uses cherry pie filling, often from a can. It's terrible! The pie my mom baked used a filling made from scratch where she cooked canned pie cherries with other scrumptious ingredients before filling the crust, topping it with another crust, and baking it. To this day, it's still my favorite pie. This is special because she chose to make my favorite dessert special for me on numerous occasions. She did it just for me, to show me her love. My appreciation for this has only increased as she no longer bakes.

Stirred also comes from family. Aunt Mary, who is actually my dad's aunt, and married into the family (even though I could swear she's one of us) made the best English toffee to ever cross my tastebuds. I grew up enjoying Almond Roca until I tasted Aunt Mary's toffee. Now I can barely stand the commercial stuff. At least three decades ago, she hand-wrote the recipe on a paper card and shared it with me. It is one of my prized possessions. I've always loved her so much and this is the one small piece I have of her, her handwriting and personal recipe. We have had lean financial years and have been able to make batches of this to sell, allowing us to pay bills or splurge on Christmas festivities. We have made dozens of batches we boxed up and gave as gifts. Other than the taste, the one thing I remember most about the recipe is the stirring. It always felt endless. Often we had to alternate stirring a few times because we were exhausting the shoulder muscles. It has to reach a precise temperature before you add a particular ingredient and then stir continuously, as in, without any breaks at all, for what felt like hours. I know, a quick recipe check would probably show me it was only about 15 minutes. But stirred is the one action I remember most from our toffee-making days. I haven't done this in years, maybe 2021 is the year of toffee returning. 

We moved to a large city, not knowing anybody when we arrived. Six years later we had a handful of friends from church but were still feeling pretty alone around the holidays. Within a few years, we received an invitation to join multiple families for Thanksgiving dinner at a new friend's home. It was a large group, some were strangers when we arrived. None were by the time we left. It was the first time we had eaten with people who would become our family away from home. I'll always be grateful for Thanksgiving dinner at the Martin's home. I still have our name tags in our keepsake box.

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