Time Stopped For a Bit

There's even a clump of dust in the middle!

Reposting as I reflect on this date. However, as I glance over at this calendar, it's still resting on the same date.

Saturday, July 28, 2018. 

Time stood still for a while. One of the dearest people in my life was ushered into his new home with God that day after quite a battle through pancreatic cancer. This is the second time I've lost someone I love to this particular horror. My husband and I happened to be visiting my parents that weekend so we were able to be sad together and share great memories and laughter as well. Denny had been an integral part of our home church until 1984 but remained an integral part of our lives from across the country.

The next day, as I was preparing to turn my calendar page, I simply could not do it...not yet. It's almost as if Denny's last words to me were right there, even though they weren't his. 

July 28th:

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." (John 14:27 NIV)

Denny was most known for always reminding people that it's all about grace and the cross. No matter what was going on in life, it was simple. Remember the cross. It felt like he was reminding me of this again, and so my calendar has not changed for a year, a fairly turbulent but God-directed and glorious year.

When you watch a man live his life focused on grace, the cross, and love, you can't help but be challenged to grow. It sure sounds familiar, maybe it was where the words were written in red. Love God, love others! It might be why I appreciate the author Bob Goff so much. It really is this simple, but more often than not it gets complicated by people and organizations. 

While I wish everybody I know could have known Denny, the truth is I knew I had nobody near me who could share or understand the depth of my sorrow and the sadness that would follow upon returning home. I knew I would be watching his memorial service online alone. I knew nobody around me could comprehend my grief. I knew nobody around me was aware that it took me 15 pages in a letter to say thank you for all he had done and to share just a few of the highlight memories.

Today is July 29, 2019, and it doesn't feel possible that it has been a year. The tears still come with any thought of him. Tears of regret for what will never be, touching tears of fond memories, tears of grief at losing someone who was so influential in my life, and even a few tears of joy for what it means to him to be with Jesus.

I spent some years away from church and Denny was one of only a small handful that held me accountable and questioned me about why. Most people just waited for me, told me I knew what I needed to do and that was it. But Denny loved so deeply that he knew the questions to ask, and he wanted the answers. He loved, with Christ-like love. Oh, Denny, you were a perfectly imperfect child of God and I hope part of your reward is to know how far your impact reaches. You lived for the glory of God, and God alone.

Today, I will turn my calendar page. Today, I am one year closer to seeing you again Denny!

I have never attended a memorial of a person that was such an example of grace and love to all who knew or met him. He impacted a lot of people, especially through his publishing years and many he only met once or only through email correspondence. 

Most of you reading this didn't know him, but I hope you may consider spending a bit of time learning about one of the great examples and letting your life be touched as well. If you choose to watch this service, I feel confident you will feel it was time spent well.

Watch Denny's Tribute

One More Thing...

Love is simple. Love is not always easy. How are you doing with that? I struggle. Often.

And in honor of Denny - remember, it's all about the cross.

Take care, and I'm always here to pray for you or listen if you have a need or request. You can reach out to me privately at loislynnflores@gmail.com or comment on this post.

Lois Lynn

Salt Spill

One of my favorite authors and speakers to learn from is Dr. Henry Cloud. Several years ago he wrote about the different types of tears we have and included photos showing that the molecular structure of each kind of tear is unique. He compares tears of grief, change, onions, and laughing. While those are very different, Henry says, "One thing they have in common: they all carry experience." I love that!

I know many people choose to hide from tears by not allowing themselves to stay with the thoughts or feelings long enough for the tears to come. Others allow them to flow but hide their tears from those around them. There are a number of reasons we have these reactions to tears. Some of us were told crying showed weakness. I think men were more likely to have been told this growing up.

It takes vulnerability and humility to allow tears to come freely, even if you are crying alone. It may take patience with ourselves to sit still long enough for the guards to come down and our innermost thoughts and feelings to show up. Maybe we're afraid nobody will notice our tears. Or worse yet, maybe we're afraid they will. Then what? What if they reach out to support us? What if they sit down beside us and hold our hand while we cry? Would that be so bad? Oh, but what if they notice, and do nothing? That is going to hurt. Maybe this is another reason we don't allow the tears to come.

For the most part, tears have not come easily for me. I have certainly had many moments of tears and I've even had full-blown seasons of tears! I'm in one right now. A couple of weeks ago, the dam around my heart sprung a leak that I can't seem to get stopped. As you get older, life can take on a different importance. I had built that dam partially to prevent tears. Now, it's not taking much for those tears to come. 

I don't even care who sees it anymore. If you're my friend, you may see them sooner than later. At church Sunday, the sermon was so relatable that I sat in the back pew with tears streaming downward in a race to drip off my chin. At first, I ignored them because I was afraid someone would see them if I reached up to wipe them dry, so I just let them drop. 

The funny thing about tears though, sometimes they tickle. I eventually had to start wiping my face every few minutes. It didn't matter if someone saw me, God had made it clear I needed to release the tears He created in me. So I did. Alone. OK, true...I did run out the door during the last song so nobody could see me because there was no hiding those tear-stained cheeks.

Here's the deal, all wrapped up in Henry's closing words.

"Your tears are good for you...emotionally, physically, spiritually, relationally, and in making life work. Embrace them.

Your pain, your tears should be SEEN by someone who is looking right into your soul as you go through that pain. Your pain needs to be seen and loved in order to completely heal.

So, when you cry...make sure you are crying with someone who cares. It will help!"

Read his full post here

One More Thing...
Can you imagine how great it would be to share your tears with someone who cares? I mean, they can sit with you and take any kind of tear. That is a friend to hold onto. 

Or, it may be a professional (minister or counselor) and that would be okay also. While they may not be a friend, their care is genuine.

Look for your friends who may need you to be that person. Watch out for falling tears, and maybe help catch them for someone.

Take care, and I'm always here to pray for you or listen if you have a need or request. You can reach out to me privately at loislynnflores@gmail.com or comment on this post.

Lois Lynn

Summer Birthdays

This one's for YOU!

For those of us with summer birthdays, we knew that meant there would be no cupcakes at school as a child. We knew we wouldn’t hear our classmates singing to us, and there would be no candles to blow out. There was a definite sense of missing out.

If your parents did throw a birthday party for you, most of your friends and extended family were out of town or away at summer camps. Childhood summer birthdays could be lonely. There was one silver lining, it was a given that we’d have homemade ice cream.

Several years ago, it dawned on me that not much really changes as an adult. A handful of times I tried to schedule a dinner with a few friends but could not land on a date within the entire month when everybody was available. Somewhere along the line I quit trying to celebrate with anybody and it became a day to treat myself.

One year I went out for a steak lunch alone. The clerk felt so bad for me that she brought me dessert and didn’t charge me for my meal. I told her I was enjoying my day and I was happy to pay, but she wouldn’t hear of it. Sometimes the kindness of strangers can mean so much. That particular year was before I accepted the idea of celebrating alone. Honestly, it was one of those years when I couldn’t find a lunch date and I was sad to be there alone, but she didn’t know that. We hugged, I cried, a little.

With social media, things are a little bit different, and we aren’t as forgotten as we used to be. As I took the time to read through my birthday wishes this year, it struck me how expansive my friend list is. The people that remembered me, and took the time to reach out and wish me well, came from all decades of my life and both cities I’ve lived in.

I had wonderful, loving greetings from people at every church I’ve called home. This included my childhood congregations, my most recent church, and my new church where not many people know me yet. It even included one where I only know a handful of people from a small group Bible study.

Classmates from kindergarten through college chimed in as well. Many of these people I have not seen since we were in school together. Our only connection is through social media, yet they wished me a happy birthday.

Of course, there were friends and family, but I also had people I’ve served through a first responder ministry that stopped to post a greeting.

Some of the wishes came from people I haven’t seen in 10-40 years. There were several of them from people I’ve never met, but we had connected through writing or leadership online groups or challenges.

There’s no one type of friend whose birthday notes meant more than others. They were each unique and came with their own history and friendship story. One thing they had in common, was how deeply they touched my heart. I read through them all on my birthday but two weeks later I chose to read them again.

Turn away here if you don’t like the mushy stuff. I’m not usually one to go there, but I’m growing and learning. So…you were warned.

I read through each note again, intentionally pausing to think about how I knew each person and how long it had been since we’d connected. Slowly, one after another revealed that I am connected to more people than I could have imagined. We all are. Some of us easily forget that. The tears began as I recalled old friendships that had dwindled or new friendships that were just beginning. So many of them were people I had not seen face-to-face since we moved to Oregon more than 25 years ago. 

The wishes told me I had not been forgotten simply because our lives drifted. As the tears poured forth, it was like a cleansing for my soul. All the garbage and lies Satan had been feeding me were being revealed. I finally had to take a break when the tears turned to inconsolable sobbing, and I could no longer focus on my computer screen. 

It was then I realized what God has been trying to tell me. I’m not invisible. My life has had a purpose. In some manner, my life has touched the lives of others. I can only hope I have left more footprints of good than damage.

I want to humbly acknowledge every single "Happy Birthday" wish and make sure you all know how much your thoughtfulness touched my heart. Thank you.

For all of you whose birthdays I’ve ever missed…Happy Birthday! 

One More Thing...
If you struggle with feeling insignificant, please consider taking a slow, deliberate walk down memory lane when you see your social media birthday greetings this year. Please do not take them for granted or dismiss them as a chore people felt obligated to do. People leave our lives far too soon. Let’s treasure who we can while we can.

Take care, and I'm always here to pray for you or listen if you have a need or request. You can reach out to me privately at loislynnflores@gmail.com or comment on this post.

Lois Lynn

Web of Connectivity

Accountability isn't for wimps. 

Neither is walking through an unseen spider web!

This past year, I have had the opportunity to participate in several online courses, small groups, Bible classes, webinars, Facebook groups, and other online challenges. I have learned so much because most of the world turned to the web to share resources and keep people connected.

Today, I perused my list of blog drafts, looking for one that resonated with me, or at least one I felt like finishing, As I read through, I was hit by the reminder of why I was writing a new blog post today, of all days.

Earlier this week, I received a seven-word message from someone named Cara. 

    "How are you doing with your blog?"

Internally, I responded with, "Blog? What blog? I haven't written in a while. Who is Cara and how does she know I have a blog?"

A quick Facebook search confirmed my suspicion. She is one of the new people in my life and her name wasn't quite cemented into my memory yet. We were in an online challenge group together. I scrolled back through our history and found we only had a couple of quick exchanges, mostly about software and current projects we're each working on. This message was completely out of the blue, but God-timed.

I have been thinking about writing a new post, craving the connection with you, my reader. I was spending a lot of time recently thinking about what a peculiar web of connection God seemed to be weaving around me. I now have people from all over this country who share similar journeys and goals. Many of us have had related struggles and triumphs. These people come from all kinds of faith backgrounds and span multiple decades of life experiences.

Whether we are connected from a Bible class, a small group, an in-person connection, or one of those online challenges, there is one common thread that ties them together. These new relationships are all gifts from God, to me. He knows our deepest needs, even if we fear them or ignore them. I knew I needed some new voices in my life that shared my vision and dreams, but I was afraid to ask for them. I think God answered my silent, trembling prayers.

When I look at a spider web, sometimes I notice the intricate details but often I see the gaping holes. I'm always amazed at the strength of a web, especially when I've just walked through one and I'm trying to get clear of it. To me, these symbolize the connectivity God created for us through people. 

My new web has connections I never could have imagined, with people I may never meet. There are a couple of fancy spots where the light shines brighter. I kind of think of those as the people influencing my life that are known more publicly. (One is a renowned drummer and one is a known pastor in a large church.) Even the gaping holes don't look like something destroyed to me, they remind me of God's provisions. A hole in a spider web occurs most when the prey gets caught - that's what nourishes the spider. See...cool, huh?

So, today is the day of my newest blog post because Cara asked me about it. I made a goal, a goal I shared with my new accountability partner. These people are treasures. I've searched for years to find someone that would do this for me. I've had slight success but mostly discovered that they are hard to find. Today, I have a couple of people that challenge me and hold me accountable in different areas of my life. I hope, I pray, that you will find someone to do that for you. I challenge you to be that person for someone else.

They tell me life is meant to be shared. Honestly, I'm still working on that but I think God was clearly using some of my new connections to show me the truth in that statement. We truly are connected, through God's creative web of connectivity and He puts people in front of us when we need them.

One More Thing...
Today started with me feeling a bit empty. I spent yesterday thinking about a handful of important people in my life who have died and I was feeling a bit sad, remembering how much I miss them. The last thing I thought I'd do today was to write a blog. God does that, He sends those nudges through accountability partners. When He does, say thank you and then respond. Do you have someone who encourages you or holds you accountable? Drop their first name in the comments to thank them.

Take care, and I'm always here to pray for you or listen if you have a need or request. You can reach out to me privately at loislynnflores@gmail.com or comment on this post.

Lois Lynn