It Takes Rain to Create Rainbows (#2 in the Cancer Series)

The day after my oncologist appointment, I was scheduled to house-sit for some friends for 12 days. It was helpful to them because I could care for their pet, bring in the mail, and keep the place looking occupied. It was thrilling to me because I’ve dreamed of a place to go where I can focus on writing the last few chapters of my book. I think we were all excited for me to have this opportunity. The bags were packed and ready. I was feeling numb and overwhelmed but thought this would be a great way to distract myself. 

I am convinced this was God’s gift to me. The homeowner’s trip had changed three times. Any of the previous dates would have provided a wonderful time for my writing plans. This proved to be a time of healing, growing, and discovering. I had a lot to absorb from the past few days. Now I had a serene space with a great view, and my agenda was wide open. Upon arrival, I was greeted with a rainbow splashed across the sky. I knew God was holding me close and would get me through whatever was coming. 

My 12 days of isolation to write and enjoy the serenity of lake life went nothing as planned, but completely as needed. Several people who knew showed up via text, video chats, phone calls, lunches, dinners, and visits. I think I only had one day alone. I tried to write during the daytime, from my table and chair overlooking the lake. It didn’t take long to realize I could write any place, at any time. I wouldn’t often be able to sit on a deck and enjoy a water view, so I put down the laptop and watched the geese swim by instead. I intended to write at night and into the early morning hours as a compromise. 

I expected it to be dark across the water, removing my source of distraction. I was wrong. The house lights across the lake shimmered on the rippling water and proved to be just as enjoyable as the daytime view. However, the depth of calm was like a warm, weighted blanket draped over me, and I found I was able to sit in complete bliss and stare out at the night until the wee hours of the morning. As I sat there, I often recalled Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God.” I could sense God’s presence and comfort while I rested and slowly let go of the control I thought I had. Gorgeous sunsets danced before me almost every evening and Christian music played in the background most of the time to easily keep their pet relaxed. It was slowly restoring my soul. This was God’s place, and I was welcomed in to be loved by Him. 

The next few weeks went by in a blur of activity. I had several virtual appointments, some pre-op visits, and a blood draw. I had 18 new questions for my doctor. Surgery was scheduled for April 15^th, Good Friday. 

I find music to be powerful, so I created a Spotify playlist to provide encouragement, fun, and sometimes just a distraction. We planned time off for my husband, I made a list of things to do, we stocked up on groceries and medications, and we cooked meals to put in the freezer. My goal was to be self-sufficient and not need anybody’s help. God had another idea.

On a Monday in March, I sent a barrage of memes to a friend. It was cathartic for me, and a lazy way to share my innermost thoughts. There was definitely a theme, including things like how much I wanted to talk about it, but kept quiet instead, how I pretended to be okay to avoid having to explain, and how I knew if I tried to talk, I would cry. The responses I got back were all reminders about resiliency. I replied with a banana dying in bed making the bedside visitors promise to donate its body to banana bread. I was in a wallowing place of fear but I wasn’t going to be allowed to stay there. 

The next day God changed my approach to things. I was having a rather emotional day and treated myself to the comfort food at Chick-Fil-A. I was texting with the same friend and got my words twisted around so they conveyed incorrect thoughts. As I tried to clarify them, I responded with, “This is why I don’t call myself a writer. Not always great with words.” Then a beep on my phone with the new message, “You are a writer. Start today identifying as one.” Tears are now streaming down my face with no hope of controlling them or disguising them. They were a result of kind words from a friend, not about the health scare, and it felt good. 

About two minutes later, Sylvanna, an employee stopped by my table with a free strawberry sundae. I burst into tears. She saw the tears and asked if I was okay. Instead of my usual insistence that all is well even when it isn’t, I told her I had been diagnosed with a precancerous stage of endometrial cancer and was having surgery next month, but the tears were because of some kind words someone just sent me while I was down…and the ice cream. She asked if she could pray for me and hug me. More tears came, of course! It took the kindness of a stranger coupled with the encouragement from a friend to get me to start accepting care and support. 

One week later, I was skipping my church leadership class and driving home from visiting a friend in Seattle. It was only the second time I’d shared some of my deeper fears and the first time I’d listened to my playlist. It proved to be the perfect therapy for six hours on the interstate. At the last minute, I decided to drop by the church building and share what was going on. I caught them just before they were heading out the door and was able to share with one of my pastors and his wife, two other staff pastors, peers, and my class mentor. It was humbling to ask for prayer, but I felt like I was growing in my spiritual development by doing so. I was a little less alone now. 

I started answering people's inquiries with, “oh, surgery isn’t until mid-April,” hoping people would forget. God uses the most interesting connections to reach us sometimes. Social media has me connected with people from all seasons of my life. Two of them, unknowingly spoke into me surrendering my unspoken craving for support into God’s capable hands. I struggle here because I want to describe who they are by the role they played in my life, but I don’t want to identify them without their permission. I had two people who were adults when I was in junior high both share major prayer requests with me. Both were completely out of the blue and that convinces me it was God’s timing and plan, and a reminder to invite people to pray. I was encouraged by a family member along the same lines, to have everybody praying for me that would be willing to. 

Prayer is something I love to do for others but seldom ask for on behalf of myself. I know God’s heard me, and question if He needs to hear from more people on the same topic. I’m not going to get into doctrine here, but I was convicted to invite people in at this point. That’s when the floodgates opened. Cards started to arrive, and a couple of gifts were dropped off. I received several messages letting me know people were praying for me. A church I do not attend, but I am connected to through a small group, did one of the most amazing grand gestures of help I’ve ever received. These sweet gentlemen installed handrails so I could get in and out of the house safely. I felt loved and allowed myself to feel it. 

Surgery day arrived. So many lessons were learned and questions about my faith were answered along the way. I had no fear as I went into surgery. In fact, I was having fun trying to make people smile and feel appreciated and seen. Complete peace surrounded me, and it was precious. After waiting for seven weeks, I was ready for this step and to move on to the unknown next phase.

Recovery was a breeze, and I experienced no pain. I knew it would be two weeks before the full pathology report and a follow-up visit with my doctor, so I sat back to wait. 

That night the preliminary report came in confirming a positive result for endometrial cancer. I still had to wait to discuss it with my doctor. Because I wanted to be sure I understood the report, it would be a while before I could share the update. For two weeks, I was a cancer patient, without cancer, and nobody knew. I didn’t know how to process this and was alone with this information and a lot of questions. 

Next time I’ll share the conclusion and what’s happened since then as well as some wonderful insights I had along the way. So many of you have asked, I hope sharing this piece of my life has encouraged you and/or has answered your questions.

One More Thing...
I will be sharing a song each day on my Facebook page that is part of this story as well. You can find me at facebook.com/LoisFloresWrites

Take care, and I'm always here to pray for you if you have a need or request.
Lois Lynn

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