Little Boxes

I have had a few significant life events occur in recent months and I found myself mentally paralyzed, not able to focus on what the next step should be. There were trips to plan in order to handle estate items, there were health issues, it was the holiday season, there were business decisions to be made; I could go on for a page listing the chaos and significant decisions to work through. The bottom line was this; while I can usually compartmentalize things and not succumb to the emotions of feeling overwhelmed, I had reached my limit. I was no longer able to think clearly and make simple decisions.

I am fortunate to have some great people around to draw wisdom from. At this time, I finally reached out to someone I knew was a great resource but I had not ever connected with before. I was searching for a song lyric or a Bible verse to help me reset. I knew I knew what to do but I simply could not find it within me. Here are my text message and his reply.

Me: (Note here I am not a person who is in the habit of worrying about things so this was quite an unusual place for me to be.)

"What do you do when you feel like you've run out of faith and are too mentally fatigued to trust? How do you let go of worry, and trust again? Specific scripture encourage you? Song? Hiding place? 🙂"

Reply:

"In these cases you have coffee with me." 

Well, that was NOT the response I was hoping for but it was certainly the response God knew I needed. We met the next day and my life has been in a beautiful, yet interesting, state of turmoil since. The conversation was enlightening and I was challenged.

One particular piece of the conversation centered around the concept of having a closet of boxes. The boxes represent things that I have gone through and have not taken the time to grieve over. Initially, I denied that. After all, I can withstand a lot and I've lived for quite some time taking things in stride, not letting them slow me down while moving on to the next thing I need to handle. 

When he looked me in the eye and told me that any one of the dozen or so things I had just rattled off in a nonchalant manner off the top of my head would be enough to cause pause and the need to grieve, I reconsidered. Then I accepted he was right. In some of the instances, I had been busy helping others through the process and did not take the time for my own healing. For others, I simply kept busy in order to avoid them.

I was intrigued. I had been challenged to start grieving. I believed this was wise counsel and an accurate description of my current state. At this point, I shared the idea with my core friends and each one of them was also in a place where they had not dealt with boxes from many life events and related to this concept as well. It was kind of nice to know I was helping others by sharing his words. Mind you, I wasn't actually doing anything yet, but I was busy assisting others. You know, the thing I do to avoid my own boxes!

Now to take this one step further, I did what I do best. I postponed. I decided it would be really cool to incorporate art into this process and create something representative of my closet full of boxes. This provided a solid two-month delay. Yes...I said TWO MONTHS! First I had the idea, then painted one version, then painted over that one, then changed colors, then...well, you get the idea. While I consider myself creative, I am not a skilled artist with a paintbrush or pen. My creative gift is in other areas so know that what I share is an expression from the heart with the hope that the visual image may be helpful to you. I know it looks like a grade-school project.


The art project is now complete, I have no more excuses and I'm in the midst of allowing the boxes to remain open when they drop off the shelf and open up. I have even willingly chosen to open a box or two but I peer in, make sure everything is as I left it, and then slam it shut and return it to the shelf. I may even have moved some of them further back in the closet. I am prayerful about the day I may open each one and truly grieve it and toss it out to the garbage burn pile. For now, I am willing to name them. I am slowly allowing some time to sit with a box and manage it.

One More Thing...

Please, please tell me I'm not the only one with little boxes in storage. I want to challenge you to take a moment and sit in the quiet and consider this. Is there something you have tucked away deep within you that needs to be cleared out? Maybe it's also things that you need to grieve - loss of people, opportunities, or situations. Maybe it's guilt or shame. Maybe it's negative attitudes or thoughts that hold you down. Please join me and let's clean out the closets together. 

Remember that God's in control and we only need to lean on Him for one day at a time.

Take care, and I'm always here to pray for you if you have a need or request.
Lois Lynn

King of the World

It seems I repeatedly visit this routine of taking my life right back out of the hands of the King of the World, often within a very short time of having trusted Him with it. The good news though is that while I feel like I am doing this, and I may act out with my own decisions instead of seeking God's will, I cannot actually take my life out of his hands. He is always there, holding me and loving me.

It was almost painful to hear these words, "So who am I to try to take the lead? Still I run ahead and think I'm strong enough" as I continue to think I know what's best for me. Do you struggle with that also?

Take a listen, and together let's remember who is King of the world.

Natalie Grant - The King of the World

You can read the lyrics on K-Love by clicking here

Soul Check

I started this post in January but simply never finished it. All I had to do was copy and paste yet it was overwhelming to me. I share this to let the rest of you know that you are not alone if you feel like you're going to break with one more simple task. Anyway, I started this reading plan on YouVersion and wanted to share the words with you. They are not mine, but they certainly resonated with me and I couldn't have said it any better.

When Is My Soul Home?

I have three small children. Unfortunately, multitasking is not my strong suit, especially when the multiple “tasks” happen to be high-energy, highly mobile humanoids. I tend to lose track of them. That’s why in our family, one of my main jobs is to make sure our kids enjoy their childhood, while Chelsea’s is to make sure they actually survive it.

A while back, however, Chelsea contracted a virus that affected her energy level dramatically for several months. She wasn’t able to do all the kid-related things she is so good at (and that I am so good at avoiding). That meant I had to gingerly, awkwardly, and amateurishly do some stuff I wasn’t used to doing. You know, like laundry. And dishes. And cleaning up the bodily excretions children randomly produce.

Full disclosure: grandparents, friends, nannies, babysitters, and little old ladies who didn’t know me but saw me struggling in grocery stores also helped. A lot. But let it be known, I went way out of my comfort zone. And I actually found myself getting comfortable with things I would previously have done anything to avoid.

Somehow I sense that most of you are unimpressed. Don’t judge me—we all have our weaknesses. Mine just happen to be wimpier than yours.

Here’s my point: we naturally avoid uncomfortable, unfamiliar, or awkward situations. But just because something doesn’t come easily for us doesn’t mean we should avoid it.

When it comes to evaluating our souls, I find that a lot of people get uncomfortable. They feel awkward and anxious when faced with authentic introspection. Opening up to themselves or others about what is out of alignment on the inside can sound terrifying. So they avoid soul-searching at any cost—like me with household chores.

How about you? When was the last time you looked at the state of your soul? How comfortable are you with asking thoughtful, revealing questions about the health of your inner self?

God wants to give us peace, stability, joy, and hope beyond what we could imagine. For that to take place, we have to get comfortable with awkward questions. Questions about our feelings, our thoughts, our fears, our motives, and our needs. Questions that are hard to answer not just because the answers are elusive, but because the answers are embarrassing. Questions that reveal what is hurting us and hindering us, even if might take some gut-level courage to deal with what we discover.

The apostle John wrote this to one of his close friends: “Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul” (3 John 2 ESV). I believe he was expressing God’s heart for each of us: that our souls would be happy, healthy, and whole.

God is committed not just to our happiness—which is notoriously fleeting and subjective—but to our wellbeing. And that wellbeing starts on the inside. So don’t be too afraid, too busy, or even too selfless to start paying attention to your soul. You’ll be glad you did.

Respond

Are you comfortable talking with other people about your feelings, hurts, dreams, and desires? If not, why do you think it’s difficult for you?

Why do you think people often wait until their souls are in crisis mode before they think about them? Do you tend to do this?

Take a moment to think about the state of the inner you. What are three specific fears, feelings, assumptions, or insecurities that could be affecting you?

One More Thing...

To be completely open and honest with you my dear readers, I have neglected my soul for years and have only recently realized this. I am actually in the middle of a soul check so I invite you to join me.

Take care, and I'm always here to pray for you if you have a need or request.
Lois Lynn

Chicken Strips With a Side of Tears

Today was the day the KFC guy made me cry. I didn't see it coming and wasn't prepared for it.

There have been several pretty significant and stressful events that have happened in my life during the last 5 1/2 years, but these last 6 months have kind of been off the charts. The last 45 days have been really thick with some difficult things and no breathing room. I was feeling the toll.

Today was a decent day, my first day back at work after what felt like 3 weeks of being trapped at home. Nothing was weighing on me or dragging me down. For once I didn't feel like I was on the brink of a meltdown. I was heading home and knew I needed to grab a quick and cheap lunch - this was about 3 pm and would be my first meal of the day. My mind has been preoccupied and distracted recently with meals feeling like a chore. I decided that KFC sounded a bit more like rainy day comfort food than a cold sandwich and I couldn't face another PB&J.

I love the $5 lunch boxes and justified spending that today since I had been trapped for so long. I deserved this treat. Cue the circling shark music...they are now $5.99. That's $6 folks, which has crossed the $5 line and is now on the way to $10 (closer to $10 than $0) so I was re-thinking my purchase and toying with heading home. I know, it's only a dollar, and the gas was already spent getting there. But, remember...I'm emotionally fried and had a tiny dinner about 22 hours ago. I can't think straight.

The next thing I know, the guy rang me up and told me it was $3.99. I remember hearing something about 3 strips, 1 side, biscuit, and a cookie for $3.99. I was trying to do the math, which usually comes naturally to me. How much is a drink? Am I better off ordering the combo meal I started with? One plus one IS still equal to 17, right? At this point, he said, "the drink's on me today." This is when I kind of mentally blacked out - did somebody just cover my expenses for something? Somewhere in the midst of this mental pause, I shared a delightful conversation with the gal next to me about how good their pies are, but that we aren't a fan of the cookies. She agreed and laughed. I assume she got her order and left. I really don't remember seeing her again and can only hope she was real.

I got my food and drink and the plethora of condiments necessary (2 dipping sauces for chicken, ketchup and ranch for the wedges, honey and butter for the biscuit) to enjoy the meal. I opened my box and found a large paper sleeve with something heavy in it. I kind of feared it was a half dozen of those cookies I don't eat and set it aside. I thoroughly enjoyed my meal and heard employees call the guy who waited on me by his name a good 15-20 times during my meal. I planned to send a note to corporate sharing how his kind manner was so pleasant and made my day. No mention of the free drink so I didn't get him in trouble, but I wanted to let them know he has a customer service heart.

Having finished the meal, I thought I'd take a look at the bag and figure out who to pass the cookies along to. Lo and behold - no cookies. Instead, there were two little hot apple pies nestled in there waiting for me. Oh, and tears dripping down my face in slow motion.

The guy was nowhere to be found. I could not recall his name, even though I heard it dozens of times. I had tossed the receipt already. I could not say thank you. I could not drop a note to give him a free pass to come visit my paint studio. I could not repay this extra care. I could not sing his praises to his boss. I could only accept the kindness of a stranger and the warmth of apple pie. I didn't really know how to do this, this was difficult.

Instead, I thanked God for His creative ways of loving me when I didn't feel lovable and I feel pretty confident that the KFC guy is filled with the joy of giving.

One More Thing...

I'm curious...is it difficult for you to accept the kind acts of strangers? Is it any easier when it comes from somebody you know?  

Remember that God's in control and we only need to lean on Him for one day at a time.

Take care, and I'm always here to pray for you if you have a need or request.
Lois Lynn