Dreaded Words

"I've ordered some tests."

I heard those words during a routine physical last week. 25 years ago I heard those words and I was in surgery three days later, only one month before my wedding. I wasn't pleased to be hearing them again.

This was my response.

"I'm okay, they're just checking something. I'm not going to tell anybody unless there's something wrong. God's got this."

"I should probably let my husband know." 

Sent him a text. While typing that out, I started to worry.

"I'll text a few of my closest friends that are my prayer support."

I sit and think about what's probably wrong. Then I Google the keywords the doctor used.

"I'll just text a few more of the people near to me, and the staff, that would make sense."

Google some more.

"I'm likely going to die." Tears. Prayer...again.

"Why did I tell anybody? Nobody cares, I'm such a nuisance. It's going to be okay. Nobody has time for this. I should have waited until it was a real health concern."

"How humiliating. Now people know something's up. I NEVER should have said anything. Well, if I have to have surgery, or if I'm dying, I'm not telling anybody."

"God, I don't want to deal with anything. I'm scared, I'm helpless and I really want you to take care of this so I don't have anything wrong. But, I truly am okay with whatever your plan is. But, please, please, please don't let me be sick!"

In the meantime, I've received a few e-mails and texts back from friends saying they will pray. 

This was all within the first hour.


I then received one message that called me out and that's what I want to focus on here. I have a person in my life that speaks boldly and with my best spiritual growth interest in mind. Here's his response to my message asking for prayer...

"You may not completely understand, agree with or even like what I am going to say to you.  Here goes; stop praying for what God tells us he provides through his grace. In doing so, you are missing the best part of your trial...growth!

You might be sick, you might not be. You may have to go through some more tough times. Great! You will be much more developed if you do. Stop trying to get out of trouble.  Embrace it and pray for God's wisdom and understanding.  If you do die...how great to be with our King! Now that would be terrific.

Your life is no longer yours..quit taking it back and enjoy the ride."

"Uh...okay." But then I read through it again, and again, and again. Then I thanked him and told him I loved that he was a part of my life. He had the right perspective and the courage to share what likely wouldn't be the popular thing to say.

This was all on Monday. One test was done that day, a second test was Tuesday and the "big" one wasn't until Wednesday. I read those words repeatedly. I prayed those words repeatedly. Tuesday morning, my prayer had changed and I didn't even know it until I heard the words come out of my mouth. Sunday's sermon reminded us that it's okay to tell God what we're really thinking and my prayer Tuesday was something like this. "God, I don't want to be sick or face surgery but if you need me to do this, it's all yours, and I will happily follow you to where I need to be and what I need to go through. I trust you completely and I'm submitting to you...again."

The fun part? Today's sermon referred to this same amazing grace that is sufficient. I found peace in God and He surrounded me with reminders all week that He's got this covered. Lesson learned...again. My prayer now is that when my next "crisis" hits, I will remember this before the human tendency to panic sets in as it did. Enjoy these words from Paul, in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10.

"...Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

One More Thing...

The tests came back without any concerns. However...THAT'S NOT THE POINT. It didn't matter what happened physically, it's what happens spiritually for each of us that truly matters.

Your life is no longer yours..quit taking it back and enjoy the ride. (Does anybody else wrestle with this one?)

Take care, and I'm always here to pray for you if you have a need or request.
Lois Lynn